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The ant and me

September 10, 2014

antIt may be hard to see but right in the middle of the photo is an ant.  This ant was busy and the ant hill was larger than most.  I don’t know if the green plant was there first and the ant hill got larger or the plnat was growing in spite of the ant hill.  We talk about being “busy as a bee”.  We talk about how ants are so industrious.  It is said that an ant can carry 20 – 50 times it’s weight.  Yet an ant can easily be stomped on and if they get into your house you will spray them and put out ant traps to get rid of them.  They just keep on working and laying sent for more ants to follow them so even if something happens to them, others can follow.  They know team work and they divide up the labor as a group and they work together.

Why am I talking about ants?  I have always been fascinated by them and watched them.  I had an ant farm once.  This afternoon as I was watching this ant there was only 1 – this one- that was working.  In about 10 – 15 minutes that I sat there and was gathering images of the flowers and bees, this was the only ant I saw.  In some ways I identified with the ant.  Now that I am retired it is just David and I.  This a great team and we are getting a lot done but I realize that there is an absence of others being around.   I realize that at the last appointment there were people who helped both unpacking and packing that really helped.  There were many working people to get the job done.

Although we have chosen a church to go to and probably if there was a great need we would get help, I just sensed loss.  It wasn’t a bad feeling.  It wasn’t a good feeling.  It was just a feeling.  It was an acknowledgement that my world had changes and I need to adapt to that change.  I am not sure how yet but I am on the journey of doing change.  I am starting. Reflection helps.  My camera helps but right now it is in the Best Buy repair process.  Sometimes I am still so busy that I don’t have time to sit and reflect on feelings and what is going on.  Keeping a journal helps as it gives me permission to think and stop.  This time at Devil’s Lake – being alone – although my sister was there with me just at a different spot at the time – wasn’t lonely but full.  It was full of possibility and hope.  This one ant could not have done all this work alone.  I may not have been able to see other ants but the evidence was that they were there.  I know that even as I don’t see many others, they are there to discover and to find and begin working together.

Being appointed to a church gives you an instant group of 100+.  Now as I go to a church with that many people, I am aware that the relationship has changed and is different.  I am adjusting.  I am working.  I have hope.  Sometimes I feel like a single ant working but there is evidence of others around me to get jobs done.

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